


Warm Snow

by enigmaticma, NoHappyEnding



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Kinks, M/M, Minor Character Death, NHE Round 3, Rape/Non-con Elements, Torture, nhe, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-11-05 19:30:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17924951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enigmaticma/pseuds/enigmaticma, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoHappyEnding/pseuds/NoHappyEnding
Summary: At some point, Minseok realized he was not aging despite the passing years or dying. Living was soon an endless torture.





	Warm Snow

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt #:** 152  
>  **Prompt:** It didn't take Xiumin long to figure out that he was immortal. Not after every man he loves dies of old age after a healthy long relationship, only for Xiumin to continue on with the same, young 29 year old face.  
>  **Prompter:** [doctorminsuks](https://twitter.com/doctorminsuks) / [sexiudreams](https://archiveofourown/users/sexiudreams)  
>  **Pairing/Main character(s):** Xiumin-centric  
>  **Word count:** 9.6K  
>  **Warning(s):** NON CON - DUBCONS - TORTURE - KINKS- CHARACTERS KEEP DYING - DEPRESSING VOCABULARY.  
>  **Author's note:** I love Minseok and I dislike to hurt him in fics but honestly I tried to respect the NHE themes. I do not promote hate, rape, abuse, etc... neither do I have anything against any of the characters in the story.

## WARNING:  
STORY HAS SENSITIVE CONTENT WHICH MAY BE TRIGGERING.

### READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

 

Minseok lived way too long to know that it all started with how warm winter felt. He had forgotten how cold feels like. He recalled, however, his first warm winter.

It was the years before Christianity reached Korea. The village he lived in as well as the neighboring areas got hit by a plague that took more than half the population.

Minseok woke up one night from his cracking fever feeling warm and  _ alive. _ He looked at his family, peaceful in their slumber, only to find them lifeless. He rushed to wake them up but their cold touches mock the winter outside. To say his pain was great was little to describe it. His wife MirHwong and his five kids were lifeless, cold, dead, and he could only scream in agony. 

“Why? Why did you make me live?” He sobbed holding his kids and swinging them as if to shake them awake, as he mourned loudly. “Why did you take them away? What did I do?”

He burned the village that night and left, with two clothes in his hand. One was the garment that wrapped his sons and daughters and the other was a piece of his wife’s outfit. He left with nothing else.

He mourned them for ten years, going from a village to another until he found a woman who carried few kids. He managed to be happy to have them but damned as he was. A Chinese legion attacked this village. He tried to save his wife – God knew he tried but as they pulled her to their place of refuge where they gathered the women, they slaughtered him with his sons. He was bleeding and almost choking blood. The women screamed in terror. 

He woke up few hours after, agonizing his loss. With his fury and anger, he chased after the legion. He found them soon enough but late enough to witness  his wife and other women spread for their entertainment. It was a humiliating sight and Minseok considered killing himself. He walked toward them, with blood still over his body, and the men froze. 

His wife was the most shocked and later that night, after looking for her, he found her with a knife in her gut. He held her with no space for more pain and sobbed. He got caught by many men of that legion who did beat him, stabbed him continuously, and soon took him in a cage to their lord when they realized his immortality.

It was then when he realized it too. A whole terror opened on him. He was forced to slit his hands and serve them his blood, believrf to give immortality. One day, the torture took a worse turn. 

“They think your blood make them immortal.” Minseok who was tied to a wall, naked except from a small golden cloth that covered his junks, looked up to see a young man who got in with a knife. “But I had seen them age while you remained the same.”

Minseok frowned but said nothing as the man picked a knife. He expected it to be a usual torture but he soon saw the knife caress the cloth that covered his intimacy. “Stop,” he hissed and the man seemed shocked. “Don’t touch me.”

“Surprising you speak our language.” The man knelt and Minseok struggled to free himself. “But shouldn’t it be normal? After all, twenty years passed. You should know our ways by now.”

“Twenty?” Minseok couldn’t believe his ears and he had no time to ask more as the man held his limp harshly and he let out a gasp of pain. “No! Stop!”

The man on his knees looked up and smirked. “Call me master.” He swallowed Minseok harshly, sucking his skin in a manner that made Minseok scream in pain, begging for mercy.

That was how Minseok found himself tied to a bed next. He was forced to fast and got his insides cleaned by women to whom he begged for freedom but could only mumble a sorry and leave. He was raped countless nights until he no longer resisted, until he gave in and allowed his body to react. Until he stopped sobbing in pain but more in pleasure. He gave up. 

He had nothing to fight for, anyway. He lost taste of life and Yifan, his master, seemed to notice. He laid down at Minseok’s side, caressing the man’s soft hair. “My dear, you look sadder day by day.” Minseok looked at him and scoffed which made Yifan frown. “Minseok, don’t test me.”

“Should I be happy I got stripped of my dignity and was forced to be your sex slave forever,  _ Master _ ?” Minseok left the bed to sit afar. “You would have felt as much if you were me.”

Yifan approached him and caressed his skin. “I am aware of that.” He made Minseok turn to face him with a heavy frown. “Did nothing of what I had done redeemed me? Did nothing of what I gave you eased your heart? I was young and reckless, I did you wrong, but I now admit my wrongs and I begged you to forgive me.” Minseok simply shed his tears at that. “Minseok…”

“Free me, Yifan.” He requested. “Please, let me go.” Yifan left his side of the bed. “Please, Master. I will remain by your side until you die, just allow me to leave this place afterward.” Minseok slid to hug Yifan. “Please. I don’t want to be hurt again after you.”

Yifan, who was twenty five back then, sighed. “If you promise to stay, I will free you.” Minseok promised and kept his promise. He remained until Yifan died in his arms, filling his insides and letting out his last breath. It made Minseok chuckle in irony. The man who took his dignity died as a pervert. It made him feel as if the gods were punishing Yifan finally for the dishonor.

He left the palace during the funeral, even if deep inside him, he wanted to be one of those who mourned Yifan openly. But he remained there way too long in that place. His body was abused for way too long and he wanted it to stop. 

His return to Korea was bumpy. He had to seduce a soldier for a horse, sleep with him for more casual clothes, while his jewelry and goods were exchanged for seeds and coins. He knew what he planned to do once he reached home. He would build a house and work on his own land. He would stay away from the world.

The journey was long but he returned to his old burned house which surprisingly remained the same as he left it. He rebuilt it and cleared the village to make a land out of it. Just as he was done, he realized he was not as much in pain as he was when he left.  “Nothing lasts in life except me.” He scoffed bitterly as he fried a sweet potato. He was so engrossed in it that the sound from the woods made him jump out of his skin. He picked a dagger and was ready to kill himself to scare the people away, aware the money and the provision were hidden. “Who is there?”

A kid, more of a teenager, showed up with a scared look. He said nothing as he stood a bit closer until he noticed food. “Food? I want some food.”

Minseok observed him with a frown. “Alone?” The kid nodded so Minseok hinted for him to sit. “I only have sweet potatoes.” He offered as he threw more to the fire and the kid seemed to notice how Minseok did not fear the fire and how the man simply picked a cooked potato with his bare hands. “Beware, it is hot.”

“What did Chinese man do in our lands?” The teenager asked and Minseok frowned but soon realized that he lived so long in China that he forgot his dialect. He looked at the kid who studied him stoically.

“I am from this land but I was enslaved for many years by a Chinese legion.” The kid blinked in shock at his broken dialect. “I forgot my dialect as I learned to talk to them.”

The teenager nodded and silence fell in as they ate. Later that night, Minseok offered the kid his futon as he slept outside. “Won’t you freeze?” Minseok couldn’t hold himself from laughing. He wished he could freeze. 

He simply said. “I am used to it.” It did not convince the kid but he slept fine. In the morning, Minseok expected him gone but woke up at the scent of tea and found the kid cleaning up around as if he always lived here. “You are well rested, I see.” Minseok commented as he stretched his body. He picked the cup and sipped the tea offered by the kid.

“I am Oh Sehun,” the kid introduced himself and Minseok looked at him for a moment before sipping again. He looked at the cup for a moment and announced.

“I am Kim Minseok.” 

They lived a peaceful life even if it took them few fights to get closer enough for intimacy. Sehun was hesitant but Minseok’s body was still obedient to every touch and every kiss. Minseok did it more out of habit, a habit his body got so used to that even if he tried to forget, it was a failure. Sehun however felt differently. “I love you.” Minseok looked at him in shock but could only moan as Sehun sank deeper and deeper, marking his body from deep within. 

Since that night, Minseok considered letting his heart love Sehun and as if the world was against him being in love, Sehun fell sick. 

He had a familiar fever and Minseok could only do the best he can only for Sehun to die whispering. “I wish you loved me.”

It tore Minseok from within as it was Sehun’s last words but not even near the truth. “I loved you! I truly did. Please, Sehun, don’t go! Please, stay with me.” Minseok sobbed in agony. “What can I do to keep you? Please! I will do anything! Please, Sehun!”

But he died and Minseok tried to live with it for decades until a war broke off and he joined a legion. He joined only to break the monotony he fell in. 

He cared less if he got hurt or if he got shunned and thankfully nobody lived long enough for that “I heard our new Captain had special needs.” A soldier spoke in disgust. “He never touched a woman.”

“Some refuse to as they do not want to stain a woman’s honor in order to get a pure wife.” Minseok commented defensively. “I mean, he is an aristocrat, so to marry a woman from a well weighted family, his body shall never taste the skin of a courtesan.” 

“Make sense,” a man commented. “I bet the men who warm his bed get barely touched but fill his skin with care.” Minseok hoped his face did not show his unspoken sarcasm. 

A man showed up on a horse the next morning and Minseok smiled when the man looked at him at some point.  _ Definitely a pervert _ . His stature looked quite like Yifan’s, yet his shy reaction was the one Sehun had when he stood naked in front of him. 

The man looked at him for the second time as he made a small turn to face the men. “Our land’s freedom depends on your loyalty. The next weeks will be a tight fit for us.” The old captain stood by his side. “We will discuss where to head from here but for tonight, I want you all well rested.”

Minseok purposely walked in front the captains and bowed before heading to a lake. He stripped fearlessly and got in the water, swimming for a while but soon noticed the new captain stand in a nearby rock.

Minseok did not speak. He just stood closer and the man blushed. “Aren’t you afraid of me slitting your throat now?”

“Wouldn’t it be better if I leave the water first?” Minseok stepped in the rock and stood shamelessly for the man who observed him. “May I wear my clothes privately?” The man said nothing for a moment but soon  stepped aside. Minseok picked his clothes and tied the knots before walking back in camp. He made it for dinner and left for a night watch soon after. 

He was alone for a moment when he felt someone stand behind him. He looked back to find the captain, hesitantly close. “Sir?” He looked at Minseok and shook his head. “Maybe you want me to slide in your tent later?” 

“Will you?” Minseok smiled kindly. 

He approached the man and fixed his armor. “If you want me there.” The captain held his hands and nodded. 

That night Minseok said nothing as he slid from the back of the tent. The captain was writing and Minseok allowed himself to sit close. The man offered him a cup of liquor. They surely said nothing interesting until the man suddenly leaned and Minseok met him half way for a kiss. “Is it really acceptable for me to ask for more?”

“As long as I am willing,” Minseok unknotted his clothes and nicely left the man’s side for his futon while the man knotted the entrance and turned off the light. He nearly kicked Minseok on his way back and Minseok hissed.

“I am sorry.” Minseok chuckled softly, leading the man’s hand to his chest. He was soon spread and pounded into, trying hard to not moan. 

He did not know what the captain’s name was as he was sent with many to a different region but it seems that the man did not forget him as, after the war, the man showed up in his humble house. “Captain?” The man kissed him in a rush and soon pushed him inside his house. 

“I missed you, so much.” Minseok blinked confusedly. “Our night felt incomplete and I wanted to fulfill the part I died for. To see your face and hear your voice, both morphed into ecstasy as I worship your body.” Minseok did not complain. He allowed the man to strip him, to kiss his body with avidity. “On four,” the man commanded and Minseok was soon on his knees, tightly holding on the armor of the man who slapped his butt hard as he slid in. 

Minseok indeed screamed in pain and pleasure before arching and filling the floor with his spill. The man used his body to the break point but took such good care of him after that, Minseok found himself unable to feel bitterness over such abuse. “May I ask you something, little bud?” Minseok blinked his sleep away and focused on the man who caressed his thin beard. “In a city nearby lives a friend of mine.” the man paused. “He is my lover, if I dare to be honest.” Minseok nodded in assurance. “He is living such a dangerous life and I wished for your help.”

Minseok chuckled. “Then you did not come as you missed me.” The man smiled warmly at that. “Give me his name and I will make sure to assist him.” That is how Minseok found himself working as an errand boy in the Shim household. He worked hard to approach the maids and get to know people in order to find and help Shim Changmin.

On his way back from the backdoor, he bumped into a tall man of strong stature. The man was surprised but soon helped him to stand. “Forgive my urgency.” He slid outside. “Keep my sight out of the family’s praying ears.” Minseok did not get it at first but he realized the man was Changmin as he was one of the finest scholar of the royal school. 

“Scholar Shim.” Minseok dared and the man smiled to him before dashing out. Minseok sighed getting in. He remained in backside of the house, waiting for Changmin to whom he introduced himself as soon as the scholar showed up before sun set. “Captain Jung asked me to assist you, he thinks you are in need of my help and special care.” 

Changmin looked at him with a disbelieving expression on. “Meet me by the back door, and we will discuss.” 

Minseok wore always lighter, as snow and fire had no effect on him. He even loved the warmth of snow whenever it touched his skin so he pushes his upper wear out and allowed the snow to fall up his skin. “You fear no cold.” Minseok jumped out of his skin and fast covered himself. “Your body shows no signs of suffering such abuse.”

Minseok approached the man. “I grew used to such cold,” he tried to fix himself as he stood by the man’s side and the man held his knots to tie. Minseok allowed him so. “He had not alert me of the danger you are facing, and I cannot ask you so blatantly, so I wish to know what to do in order to win your trust.”

The man said nothing for a while and soon pulled Minseok’s face close, kissing him right then and there. Minseok was surprised but kissed Changmin back properly. “You indeed are sent by Jung.” Minseok simply nodded, as he pulled Changmin and devoured the man’s lips. The kiss went on for a moment and Changmin soon stopped it. “We will see how trustworthy Jung thinks of you.”

Minseok did not think the man would be kind to him. He did not expect Changmin to pour all his secret to him, to take him on horse rides, to kiss him softly under the soft shadow of a tree. Minseok did not expect it to be like this. “Your mind seems to be full of dark thoughts.” Changmin asked him all of sudden. “Am I not worth the burden?”

Minseok smiled and looked away with heavy sadness. “I was not like this before. I had a wife and kids.” He could hear the stillness and knew how shocked Changmin was. “Once, Chinese bastards killed my sons and dishonored my wife. Out of rage, I chased after them.” He looked at Changmin who looked at him attentively. “I was by then shipped to be the slave of a lord’s bed.” Changmin’s eyes were suddenly filled with horror. “He abused me every night. He destroyed my dignity. He stripped me from myself. I was not like this.” Recalling how the poor Sehun loved the broken him, Minseok shed his tears and Changmin rushed to hold him as he wobbled. “Your kindness is not what I expected. I knew Captain Jung had sent me to be used. You knew it too but…”

“No need to say more, Minseok.” Changmin hugged him and tightened his hold. “Those monsters are not me, and I hope you will learn to live happily with me.” He made Minseok look at him. “I will not hold you if you wish to redo your life with a wife but I wish and I will be honored if you live by my side.”

“As your slave?”

Changmin scoffed. “If ever, I am your slave, my dear. Your beauty is full of innocence and purity. I know you kept a pure heart despite the abuse.” Minseok simply buried his face in Changmin’s chest. “Minseok…”

“Then what am I going to be?” Minseok asked for Changmin to answer happily.

“Be my lover.”

It was the happiest three years of his life. Changmin treated him with care and love. He taught him how to read and write, he perfected his swordmanship, and kissed his tears. 

Their sex was more crafted with care that Minseok wondered what he did live before. “It was rape, my dear.” Changmin explained to him one night. “It was a crime. Let me show you tonight and every night how to worship your being feels like.” 

Minseok laid naked for Changmin to kiss his skin softly, for Changmin to prepare him thoughtfully, and for Changmin to praise his patience, his given love, and his obedience. Every slide in was calculated and smooth enough to make Minseok wish for more. They never went for more than what Changmin found it fit for Minseok’s body, cleaning and dolling up the poor guy after every session. Minseok was loving how human Changmin made him feel. How precious he made him feel. “I love you.” Changmin smiled and leaned to kiss Minseok who met him halfway.

Changmin nuzzled his neck at that. “I love you too, my dear.” Minseok shivered.  _ How beautiful is to be loved _ .

“I would love to live as your lover forever.” Yet sadly Changmin’s forever and his were two different concepts. Soon the news of their relationship was known and they had to run. “Run, Changmin. Please. Leave the mansion and I will find you later.”

“No. I cannot let them hurt you.” Changmin was pigheaded and they got caught. The guards spared him no word as Changmin’s father ordered for his death. “No! Minseok! No!”

Minseok could only chuckle as he fuzzily walked toward Changmin. “You should have listened to me.” He fainted from blood loss, hearing Changmin’s scream last. He woke up in Changmin’s arms and was about to say something but soon noticed the sword that poked out of Changmin’s chest. “No.” Minseok left the dead body and stood with terror and pain filling his veins. “I loved you! No. This is my fault. Why did you die?” He held Changmin’s cheeks. “Why did you leave me? Please, Changmin. I got a lot to tell you.”

“It is impossible for you to live.” A voice made him look behind to face Changmin’s father. “This is a witchcraft! I knew you were a sorcerer to seduce my son.”

“Then why did you kill him? Why didn’t you spare him?” Minseok could not hold his sobs. “He was the best man I had ever met! Why?” He stood there to cry. “By the gods, how I hate this curse! Why do you keep killing those I fall in love with?” 

As he disappeared from that city, he promised himself to never love. He even went to the extent to sell his land and disappear in a small house in the mountains. He did not care of how little he could eat as long as he had water and fresh air. He tried to keep record of what Changmin taught him. He tried only to not forget the said man who loved him enough he loved himself again. He lived for one hundred years in the mountains and soon left it to find a whole mess. Wars were broken, dialects erased, new rulers, and more books to read. 

Minseok became an avid reader once he could translate the old text books into hangul. He gained money from translating novels for women and textbooks for Scholar. During that period, Minseok tried to regain his taste of women but realized soon that he was no longer satisfied of their cares and like many times before, he found himself interested in men. He slept with countless of men, from all ages and social position; comparing them to Changmin’s care.

“Nobody can be like him.” He admitted to himself often. 

Years passed, people died, dynasties rose and fell, and Minseok remained the same. He learned languages, worked as a translator. He met a curious man during his journey of life who fulfilled his needs without much talking. They shared their names once and spoke of nothing more. Kim Jongdae was his name. He seemed to notice Minseok’s unchanging beauty as he said once. “You never age.” With Jongdae, he learned to dominate the bed, but never his heart. No one could tell him how to stop his heart from moving on and falling again.

When Jongdae aged and died, Minseok mourned him more than Jongdae’s wife’s and kids did. He mourned him so hard that many took pity on him. They all thought Minseok was a scholar who loved Jongdae’s love for books. 

Gladly nobody lived enough to notice. Especially in the seventeenth and eighteenth century as the Japanese invasion raised a new problem and the resistance tried to raise militants. Minseok volunteered for many suicide missions, which earned him the admiration of many and especially the attention of a special man. 

Park Chanyeol was a bright colonel. He had a warm smile and knew how to warm Minseok up to him so easily it did annoy Minseok for a moment. He complained to Chanyeol that the man was seducing him, as a joke. “Come to my room, tonight, and I will let you see how seductive I can be.”

“I will.” Minseok smirked. “I will definitely take you up the offer.” He did. He stood in front of Chanyeol, wearing little clothes for a winter night and holding a bottle of liquor. “Can I come in?”

Chanyeol allowed him in and kissed him right after. “I died to do this.” He was breathless and sparkling. “I died to have you this close.” Minseok simply smiled. He had no idea what to feel about such enthusiasm anyway. Chanyeol led him to a table and stood facing him. They drank as they discussed and Minseok did not manage any effort to turn Chanyeol on. “Fuck, you are so attractive.”

Chanyeol fucked him on the table, in the bed, and Minseok asked him for more. “Nobody knows who is going to live tomorrow,” was the only thing Minseok needed to say to make Chanyeol go round after round until he slept. 

Minseok was feeling abused physically but his mind and heart had been stabbed so many times before that he mentally scoffed. “I will heal by the morning.” and slept against Chanyeol’s chest.

Chanyeol and he spoke about that night. “I want you in my life, Minseok.” The man looked away about to refuse. “I may die tomorrow, Min, and I want to die as yours. Your man. Your lover.” It made Minseok shed tears. He was going to die if he became his lover anyway. “Minseok,” Chanyeol held his cheeks, “You cannot stop living something now just because it will hurt tomorrow.”

“Why not?” 

Chanyeol kissed his eyes and mumbled. “Because humans are made to move on from pain and hold into the good memories.” Minseok agreed. His memories of Changmin made his heart clench missing the man but he had moved on. “So be mine and fear nothing.” 

Yet Chanyeol was not Changmin. They had more sex than dates, more skin to skin moments than mind to mind, but Minseok knew it was due to the war. Chanyeol had daydreamed about their dates many times, holding into Minseok’s naked body. 

Minseok wished any of those daydreams came true but like he expected, he was cursed to see those he loves die. Chanyeol and he made the mistake to kiss in a hidden sideway, engrossed into each other, and the Japanese caught them.

They did not spare Chanyeol a look and shot him but as Minseok was in an inviting state, they laughed among themselves and they did what Minseok expected them to do. Abused him. 

They laughed among themselves that Korean men were whore to the Japanese and his anger, even hidden through his muffled moans, grew. He allowed them the satisfying idea that they could do anything with his body and they indeed took him to a base where he was tied to a table, spread for their use. His terrified mind was abused more as much but he did not complain. 

He did not because he knew he could escape and lead the resistance to these Japanese scums. He realized that rape became a form of weapon. They stripped the men and women from dignity to be able to destroy the mindset of their people. It took him the look of pity in his fellow resistants to know. “They had tried to strip my body from its pride but I am still enough strong to blow their minds and cut their dirty dicks.”

It made many admire him, really. He had done so much for the resistance.  But as soon as it ended, Minseok was glad no one lived enough long to see him breakdown as he was handed Chanyeol’s aches. “He asked us to hand it over to you.”

In the first world war, Minseok met a beautiful man named Byun Baekhyun. He had not moved on for two centuries when he got suddenly kissed by the man. “For the luck.” Minseok blinked at Baekhyun but scoffed soon after. Baekhyun returned that day safe. 

Minseok had learned French, English and Russian so they made him spy on the radio frequencies of the enemies. Baekhyun was a soldier he had to sit next to, as he held the radio transmission to other lines. 

Baekhyun and he spoke to each other rarely until once a grenade fell right next to them, explosing a rifle. Minseok shielded Baekhyun who was terrified of his injuries. “I am fine. Focus ahead, soldier.” 

Baekhyun tried but as they were outnumbered, they had to retreat and Baekhyun held on Minseok who let him. The nurse was kind to gauze his wounds which he knew would heal soon. “Thank you for what you did.”

Minseok looked at the man who got in with a worried look. “Aren’t they sending us to the front line yet?” Minseok asked him lifelessly and as the nurse tended the need of another injured, hands landed on his cheeks and he looked at Baekhyun who made him look at him.

“Nobody else in my tent returned.” Baekhyun commented. “So can you keep me company?” Minseok automatically nodded and Baekhyun pulled him out. “Don’t you feel pain?”

“It depends.” Minseok noticed how Baekhyun eyed his state. His clothes were in worse state than he was and even Baekhyun had few scratches in his face, while Minseok’s body seemed in one piece. The tent was indeed empty when they got in it. “They will move you to another tent.” Minseok sat by a bed, and closed his eyes tiredly.

“If they remember it.” Baekhyun sat by his side. “I had been trying to ask you something.” Minseok hummed. “Why are you so lifeless?” Minseok tensed for a moment. “You deserve to live. To enjoy it too.”

He had more than enough of living, but he could only look at Baekhyun and soullessly ask “Do I?” Baekhyun caressed his gauzed eyebrow and Minseok was suddenly alert of Baekhyun’s closeness. “What do you plan to do?”

“I want us to live.” Baekhyun commented brightly. “I plan to live. With you.” Minseok was surprised by the enthusiasm and sincerity. “I planned to walk back to my hometown and live as a monk or work in the rice fields when this war will end.” Baekhyun held his cheek and Minseok panicked.

“Byun, someone will see you and you will get hurt.” Minseok tried to make Baekhyun move but the man leaned even closer.

“Let them.” Baekhyun was barely eighteen and Minseok had never seen someone as reckless and straightforward as this man. Baekhyun kissed Minseok dearly and Minseok didn’t waste time or energy pushing him. He knew death will do that for him later.

“You will die.” Baekhyun looked at him with shock filled eyes. “Whoever gets this close to me dies.”

Baekhyun scoffed before laughing hilariously and Minseok watched him laugh. It was a beautiful laugh. Baekhyun looked at him and held his cheeks. “Minseok, humans are bound to die. I will die either I get close to you or if I just walk away.”

Minseok knew it was true and it made him even sadder. He looked away and Baekhyun made him look back. “You know,” He made a spot by Minseok and hugged the man. “It doesn’t matter if the people you love die. How happy you made them before they die should matter.” 

Minseok looked at him surprised. “Happy?” His memories weren’t as clear as back then but he recalled his past lover’s smile. Hell, even Yifan smiled to him often and admitted enjoying his company. “Is smiling a sign that they were happy?”

“Well,” Baekhyun made Minseok look at him and his serious frown. “I am happy and I am not even smiling.” Minseok frowned. “Did they spend as much time with you as they could? Did they want to hug you and kiss you whenever they could? Did they take care of you whenever they could?” 

Minseok thought of it for a moment. “My wives were married to me so they took care of me. Yifan… never mind.” He stood and frowned. “Sehun died before he could show me anything really. Scholar Shim was everything for me. I’ve never been so in love.” Baekhyun frowned. “Chanyeol and I… between us was all dreams. He had daydreamed of us but died at the end. In conclusion, I have no idea.”

“You do.” Baekhyun frowned as he looked away. “They must mean a lot for you to remember them this dearly.” 

Minseok left the bed to face Baekhyun. “They died ages ago, but yes, they were all dear to me and losing them did hurt me extremely.”

“Then you fear nothing with me, I doubt I will live enough long to make you fall in love with me.” Baekhyun joked and offered his hand to Minseok. The small sad smile he had in his lips made Minseok lean and kiss him. They went all way in with Minseok sinking deep inside a pleading beautiful Baekhyun. It was a long night for Minseok who laid in the next bed, observing a sleepy Baekhyun breathe.

“I am afraid my heart finds it easier to make me fall for men with beautiful smiles,” Minseok shed tears. “Than to move on from past wounds.” He wondered if he kept memory of them willingly or if it was whatever made him live long.

Baekhyun woke up the next day with the determination of loving Minseok openly and nobody actually seemed to notice except the exasperated man. Minseok made Baekhyun share his tents, his bed, and before he realized he was losing up and being happy.

“I want us to leave this place. The mountains are unaffected by the war, and neither the Japanese nor the Chinese can go that far.”

“I got a house in the mountain but I guess it will be a ruin as I did not go there for over centuries.” Baekhyun seemed unaware of the reality of such word choice. “But the location will keep us safe for a while.”

“Great.” Baekhyun rejoiced and Minseok made sure to keep Baekhyun safe until then. The first war ended but the Korean Pennisula was torn due to inner struggles, and the Japanese-Chinese threats. However, Baekhyun and Minseok ignored that. They lived in a small sherin, sharing their nights between bedtime stories and going intimate enough to shake the mountain. It did not take Baekhyun long to realize Minseok was different. “Tell me, Minseok.” Minseok looked at him as he was serving the rice. “For how long have you been twenty five?”

Minseok was not afraid of answering truthfully. “Two millenia according the history books.” Baekhyun blinked at him, astonished, and Minseok knew the mam believed him. So he told him everything. How he lived long to suffer rape, loss, and torture. He told him how pained he was when the one he loved died earlier than others. “Fuck it, even Yifan lived longer than any of them and he was what turned me like this.” Baekhyun approached him as he said so, sobbing.

“Maybe whoever made you immortal tried to show mercy on your heart.” Baekhyun softly patted on his back. “Maybe they knew it will hurt more if they lived and you loved them a little more.” Minseok glared at him, with a sobbing pout. “Trust me. You wouldn’t live with more pain than this one.” 

“Maybe but they deserved to live not me. They had a lot to give, not me.” Baekhyun scoffed and pinned Minseok in bed. 

“We all got a lot to give to the world, Minseok.” Baekhyun caressed the man who held on him as his tears fell endlessly. “If I die,” Minseok shot him a shocked look and tightened his hold. “I want you to be happy I died.”

“What?” Minseok nearly pushed Baekhyun but the man kissed him right then. “Baekhyun.”

“Be happy I died, Minseok. Be happy I went to a better place.” Minseok was about ask him what if there was no better place. “Be happy that I will die happy. I will die in love with you and I am going to bet they all felt the same.”

Minseok shook his head. “I can’t. The idea of being left alone scares me.”

“Then don’t stay alone.” Baekhyun smiled as he dried his tears. “As soon as I die, go find someone else to love and keep loving them until they die and be happy, Minseok. You got a long way ahead, you cannot waste time moping when you could travel the world, eat a lot of food, and fuck countless of men.” Minseok slapped his arm hissing a curse at that and Baekhyun could only laugh and kiss Minseok over and over as they cuddled, dinner long forgotten.

Baekhyun did his best to cheer Minseok and truly, Minseok had not felt that happy in centuries so when the second world war news broke off, Minseok was terrified. “Minseok,” Baekhyun called as they packed to return to their duties and Minseok looked at him. “If I don’t make it, live happily for me.”

They had to part from there as they were assigned two different division and Minseok had requested Baekhyun to fuck him senseless the night before because they knew there is a chance Baekhyun won’t comeback. “I will write you.” Minseok smiled. “I will wait for you. I am sure it won’t last long like the first war.”

“I survived because you took the blows for me, Min.” Baekhyun held Minseok’s neck and seriously ordered. “Live happily every day. Promise.”

“I promise.” Minseok kissed Baekhyun goodbye, as the man’s van came. Minseok and he had to rent a small house in Pyongchang so that their small mountain hideout remain hidden. Minseok watched as the man disappeared and sobbed freely for the rest of the day. “Baekhyun ah! I want you to come back. Please, let him comeback.” 

The war was worse than the one before. The Americans invaded the country as it was a close point to the Japanese bases. The weaponry was more advanced, the danger was bigger and Minseok’s letters were unanswered. He wished he knew what happened to Baekhyun so he deserted his post to go to Baekhyun’s division last position. He had to know.

He didn’t fear to get killed, not that they could kill him, and didn’t fear to be seen as a traitor. He wanted Baekhyun back so much he did all he could to reach that place. “Byun Baekhyun, please. I need to talk to him.”

The man he spoke to blinked at him. “Let me check.” He had a list of yellow letters in hands. Died in duty kind letters and soon he handed Minseok one. “I am sorry.” Minseok wobbled and sat nearby with the letter in hand. It had Baekhyun’s parents address and Minseok felt like burrying himself at the thought that he did take Baekhyun away from his family for ten years or more. Baekhyun did not go home not even once.

He didn’t know which made him cry hard that day. Losing Baekhyun or making Baekhyun die before he could see his family one last time.

Minseok ran away from Korea to USA. An American soldier named George helped him fly to there for saving him and Minseok realized that man was perhaps rich enough to do that, or notorious enough. He was working in the man’s house as a maid, and occasionnal lover, when he met Luhan. 

Xi Luhan was the son of a rich family in China, sent to study in US before the second world war and he remained in US even then. The racism that Luhan lived there made Minseok pity him despite the kid’s stoicness. Luhan and Gorge were friends, meeting up often for drinks, so Luhan and Minseok met as often. “He is a good fuck if you want to taste, Lu.” George said once and Minseok who lived long to ignore the shame the words made him feel just scoffed. 

“I am the best fuck you can get.” He mumbled to himself as he made the cocktails for the men. George and Luhan had heard him so George laughed while Minseok could feel Luhan observe him.

That night, Minseok felt someone get in his bedroom and slid in his bed by his side. He first thought it was George but the soft strokes and the feather kisses were not the American’s style so Minseok opened his eyes to meet Luhan’s sparkling ones. He smiled kindly to that. “Hi, gorgeous.”

“Hi.” Luhan smiled as he kissed Minseok’s shoulder. “Do you mind if I join you in bed?” 

“You are already in my bed, so just stay here.” Minseok smirked as he turned to face Luhan. The man kissed and caressed him plenty that night but didn’t go further than that. 

Minseok was surprised but Baekhyun’s words rang in his ear so he thought that maybe Luhan will be his next source of happiness.

How wrong he was. Luhan married a beautiful woman few months after that but came to him as often as he could. Kissing his skin, caressing his face, and just looking at him. 

He never spoke nor had sex with Minseok and the man gave up trying to move on from Baekhyun via Luhan so he packed and left. He went from a city to another. He got kicked, shot, and bullied by racists during his journey but as he suffered worse, he did not care.

He reached L.A. when he met Luhan again. It was a shock for him when the man did pin him to a wall. “Where did you go? Why did you leave?” Luhan sounded pissed. “What made you leave?”

“You.” Minseok held Luhan’s cheek. “You made me leave.” Luhan looked shocked. “I got a heart and it was tired of you showing me so much care while I got no right on you.”

Luhan remained silent for a moment. “Follow me.”  He did follow and Luhan did take him to a private house where he made dinner for the man. Luhan sat by Minseok’s side as the man ate. “You can use a shower and rest. We can talk later.”

“Or we can talk now.” Minseok was hungry so he devoured his food so fast Luhan was amused. “What do you want from me?” Minseok received no answer and Luhan cleaned the table silently. “He is going to make me insane.” Minseok hissed in Korean only to hear Luhan say.

“You make me insane.” Minseok flipped to look at Luhan. “You are way too beautiful for me to ignore and way too far for me to reach.”

“I am not. I am right here.” Luhan looked at Minseok shortly. “You can have me. All of me.” 

“But I can’t give you anything.” Luhan sounded sad which made Minseok leave the table and join Luhan. He wrapped the man’s waist and sighed. “Minseok, I…”

“You already gave me enough, Mr. Lu.” He made Luhan look at him. “You give me enough. Just take me.”

Luhan observed him for a while and cursed before kissing him deeply. He led Minseok to the bedroom where he stripped the man eagerly. Minseok was pliant to his silent order and allowed Luhan access to everything. They had sex for what seemed hours, so much Luhan was taking his time, it tore Minseok who slept in a blink. When Minseok woke up, he was handcuffed to bed.

It was a strange dejavu. 

Minseok scoffed and closed his eyes, as he was hit by his memories with Yifan. 

He cannot forget the period he suffered in the most. The period where he lost his dignity was the one of most vivid memories he had.

“Breakfast.” Luhan said getting in. He uncuffed Minseok and gave him food. It took Minseok a moment to realize he was not in Luhan’s bedroom, in that beach house, and he looked at Luhan who seemed to ignore his stares.

“Where am I?” Minseok asked him softly. 

“In our house. In my house, you and I.” Luhan caressed his cheeks and Minseok ate with no fear. What did he have to fear if he was not going to die. “Be a good boy and daddy will take good care of you.” Minseok ate his toast before looking at Luhan. 

“Don’t handcuf me, it hurts my hand.” Minseok spoke softly. “I will stay in bed if so is your wish.” Luhan seemed surprised and nodded smiling.

“Good boy.” He patted in Minseok’s head and left with the tray, locking the door. Minseok was glad the bedroom had a small bathroom included when the man did so. He inspected the rooms and showered before laying in bed lazily. Luhan returned soon after, with food, and set it aside. He unbuckled his pants, released his length and sat down. “Come on.” Minseok frowned but still faced Luhan. “Suck me, baby boy, and I will give you lunch.”

Minseok knelt, with a dreadful feeling that he was trapped to be Luhan’s sex slave, and did what he was asked for. Luhan’s moans were ringing in his ears and he was glad he managed to get food.

Luhan wrecked him enough after that that he peed, which shamed him, but he said nothing as Luhan cleaned him up. Luhan pecked his head before leaving. “Good boy.”

Luhan indeed locked him in and came to him as frequently as possible, fucking him, toying with him, and making him feel more like a doll. Minseok decided to fake his death so as he felt Luhan get in, he stabbed himself in the heart. 

He woke up down a hill, naked, bruised. He was glad he was alive so he walked back to the nearest house where a woman was kind enough to give him clothes. “I was tortured by a racist.” He simply said when they asked him what happened. He couldn’t tell them what happened especially that he was locked in a bedroom for three years.

A fearful emotion hit him and he hoped Luhan did not lock someone else there. “I wish I remained. He would have died eventually.”

All he could do is to call George as a stranger and tell him that Luhan had locked “Minseok” in a hidden bedroom and raped him for three years before throwing him in a ditch. He hoped George would be able to help while he tried to live with guilt. He worked in random places, got random jobs, and saved money to travel back home. He missed Korea so much. 

In his journey, he met a Korean guy who was like him trying to save money for a ticket back home. “Kim Jongin, at your service.”

“Kim Minseok.” Minseok was attracted to Jongin but the man seemed more focused on  _ living _ . They made it to Hawaii which was slowly becoming a touristic destination back then. They had a fun night there and took the boat back to US. From there, they made a small tour. “I am not going back to this place ever.” Minseok commented as they took a boat to England. From that they made their way through Europe and Minseok admitted Jongin idea of living was beautiful. They made it in seven months, getting in a torn Korea. South Korea was really struggling to raise, Jongin was disappointed.

“I am considering making a second tour.” Minseok looked at him as Jongin laid above his chest. “Please join me in it.”

Minseok gave it a thought. The papers he had needed to be renewed as he was looking way younger than how the papers said. 

Jongin too seemed to notice. They made a small tour, visiting China, Malaysia, Indonesia, they returned to Hong Kong and from then made a jump to the Phillipines. Jongin made a move then. 

It was a new year festivity and Americans were celebrating it when Jongin kissed him as they screamed happy new year. Minseok was surprised but beamed right after for Jongin to hold his hand.

Jongin was definitely the best lover he had since Baekhyun. He was playful and full of life. He made Minseok enjoy things he did not know existed. He made him see how much he missed out. He could have lived all that if he focused on more than his heart.

The first time they had sex was in a boat back to Korea. He had never done it standing and Jongin managed to make him scream in pleasure. Needless to say they earned dirty looks from everybody else. In Korea, Minseok managed to sell his lands, which earned him enough money to buy a decent house and start a small business. 

Jongin remained by his side for a while but soon a problem in their life arose. Minseok wanted to stay and Jongin wanted to leave. 

Minseok doesn’t recall fighting with any of his previous lovers. He was pliant and obedient usually.

But the idea of traveling again, as much as it was appealing, scared him a little and he told Jongin that. “What would scare you?”

“I am scared that you will realize traveling is all you want to do and not spend your life with me.” 

Jongin chuckled. “Love,” He kissed Minseok who pouted. “I want them both. Travel with you in my life.” they indeed traveled and Minseok enjoyed it too but soon Jongin seemed to realize. “Your beauty seems eternal.”

They were in Rio, Brazil, sun bathing, when Jongin faced him with that. Minseok caressed his cheek. “Is it?” Jongin seriously nodded. “You too, you don’t same like you aged.” Which was a lie. Jongin matured to be a fine man. 

Minseok had no concept of time but knew that Jongin was no longer the young man he met in Texas. They went to South Africa, for their fourth trip, and made a trip up to Morocco when they got kidnapped by Sumalian pirates. Jongin was terrified and remained latched by Minseok’s side. “I am sorry.” Minseok looked at him, surprised. “If I did not insist on one more trip, we will be home now, growing the business.”

Minseok patted on his back and pulled him close. They were holding hands until the pirates made them stand by edge and they shot a bullet on Jongin’s forehead in front of Minseok who jumped at the fast kill and jumped after Jongin. He held Jongin and swam away. He was going insane, he could feel it, so he held on Jongin as they were far enough. The body was heavy and Minseok was pulled with it but he held Jongin a little before screaming again. He screamed until his throat started aching. He did let go of Jongin and remained there in water screaming and screaming. He was losing it.

When fishermen fished him out of the water, Minseok was hollow. He had enough. 

He made his way back to Korea, as lifelessly as a corpse can be, and locked himself home. He mourned Jongin, Baekhyun, and all the others again. “Why do you keep leaving me early?” Despite his neat nature, Minseok barely did more than washing dishes. He was too emotionally tired to do anything.

One day, however, a man broke into his house and froze seeing Minseok there. “I got nothing valuable to give you.” Minseok simply said as he laid down. “I got food but not much.” The man froze there for what seemed a whole minute.

“Can I hide here?” he dared to ask. Minseok ignored him and the man sat down, awkward. “I was chased by a gang.”

“Why?” Minseok lifelessly asked and the man fidgeted.

“I kissed a member of the gang who was flirting with me and they caught us.” The man admitted sadly. “They kicked him to death, I guess, and chased me.”

“Then stay here.” Minseok sat up. “I will make some food.” Minseok made him food and sat down looking ahead lifelessly. The man ate as he eyed Minseok the entire time. 

“You are not disgusted of me, being a fag and sitting in your couch?” The man looked down and Minseok scoffed.

“I am a fag too.” The man paused and looked at him with disbelief. “Do you want me to spread my leg for you to believe me?”

“No! I am fine. I believe you.” The man blushed madly and Minseok simply stood to dust the bed. “Is this why you are locked here?”

Minseok changed the sheets and picked a clean one. “My lover got shot.” Minseok sadly explained and the man gasped. “So I locked myself to not see a soul.”

“I am sorry. It was rude of me to remind you.” The man said and Minseok looked at him with a frown.

“What year is this?”

“1968?” The man blinked at how Minseok sighed sadly. “What? Did I say something wrong?”

“He died three years ago.” the man was surprised and nodded nonetheless. 

“You must have loved him a lot to mourn him for three years.” He indeed did. Minseok knew he did loved Jongin. 

“I must be blessed if every guy I fell for was gay.” Minseok smirked to himself and the man sighed. “You can use the bed. I sleep in the couch anyway.”

Minseok slept fine that night and even the following five days, but in the sixth, he found the energy to clean up and it made him wonder why. Was it the long discussions the man --Kim Jun Myun, the man kept telling him, opened. They discussed many historical events that Minseok was aware of. It made him laugh how many things were omitted in history textbooks nowadays. 

It made him buy books and recall the emotions of security he lived in books. He lost no one dear to him in the books. Jun Myun was an avid reader too. He brought home most of his books, reading them while resting on Minseok’s stomach. They hadn’t noticed how a month flew by, neither how close Jun Myun became. Jun Myun spent most his nights in Minseok’s bed, managing to convince the man to join him in bed. 

Minseok left the house finally, for more than errands, and he rented his shop as the money was getting so sacrass. He bought few books and translated them for practice and to submit as portfolio. He offered transcription to many textbooks which were almost unreadable to many. Schools sent him text books to transcribe and Jun Myun enjoyed proofreading through the books. He loved Minseok’s job.

“How did you learn so much?” Minseok simply smiled and said nothing while Jun Myun did not push. They were slowly blooming into something and despite their fights and how they broke up and made up, they grew close.

However, Minseok was cursed. One night, Minseok ran out of rice and Jun Myun rushed to buy some but never returned. Minseok waited for twenty years before mourning Jun Myun, considering the period enough to proove that Jun Myun died.

Maybe that exactly night, Jun Myun was killed by the gang he did hide from.

Minseok worked for so long, he even invested in an edition company, that it started to raise convercies around the famous Kim Minseok, owner of the Kim edition company. He was glad they had no concrete proof he existed. Everything about him was fake.

Minseok survived until 1990 but as he was caught, he escaped the jail by faking his death. That time he stole a kid, filling fake folders but only one truth. His name. He returned the kid afterward who was registered normally.

That is how he found himself a new identity. He faked school registrations, fake school file, and managed to join highs chool afterward.

His goal was to blend in and as well join one of the finest universities. He did and worked hard to get his PhD. He did a lot only to stand in front of a memorial of war soldiers and he read Byun Baekhyun written in it, eighty years after the man’s death.

“I am happy. I am happy you did not live my life, Baekhyun. I am happy you did not shed as much tears as I did.” Minseok found himself shedding tears. “I guess I am living to suffer alone. I had to guess it but instead killed you all.”

He could see the eyes on him but he looked like a five years old kid, still new to wars and hatred, so nobody could imagine how much of a lonely man he was. 

And sadly, his lonely journey will never be over and the torture will continue.


End file.
